Adulthood

Growing up
Not necessarily meaning
Increasing
Every day, all day, I’m running
Running
Running
To keep up

The dear life’s
Rapidly changing
Becoming bigger & faster
And I’m getting older & slower
Shrinking in somehow
Outside, inside, both sides

Aging!
I look into the mirror
And think
Am I older?
But I feel the same
I have been here
Forever
At this dimension

Twenty six-ish!
Ah
I feel much younger
More older
Somewhere in between
But not that age
That certain age

My age is a combination
Not including numbers or identifications
I’m uncertain-years-old
With two far edges of maturity
Low in the heart
High in the mind

An age that is like my fingerprints
Unique
Individualized
Colored
With my identity
Coming out
Of my history

Sometimes I’m forty
Other times, God knows I’m five!
I sleep on teenager’s dreams
Wake up on middle age’s sense of responsibility
And keep going back and forth
Between silliness and seriousness
Other times, lots of times
I skip to my Daydreams Land
With rainbow slides, trees of dark chocolate, white horse, black leather jacket

No relations!
Exactly,
That’s me!

But I wonder
When I get there
To that age
Where people don’t look like themselves anymore
How old I’ll be?
What age will associate me?

Will I be me?
Will I look fresh?
Younger than my real age?
Do people envy me?
Or pity me?
How I’ll look?
Whom I’ll be with?
Where is my legacy?

When I get there
I’ll wonder
Did I live meaningfully?
I’ll ask
Show me the history!

I’ll be sitting there
Reading my journals, reflections, notes
And hopefully my books
Smiling a motherly proud smile
Flavored with a sprinkle of regrets
Just like a mother
Who gives all of her
Til the last second
And never feels it’s enough
Except that I’m the mother
And the daughter!

By the end of the day
I sit with my “list to do” scratching
What’s done, circling what’s left
Feeling like something’s missing
And the words
Run run run
Getting louder and louder
In my head
All hear
Run run run!!!

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